A great question at this stage is – well, what is a “real man”?
Think about this question: what is a real man? for a minute.
In our culture there has long been a belief that masculinity is all about the swaggering macho man — for those of you old enough to remember, you might think of John Wayne in his cowboy movies.
And yet this is a caricature of modern manhood: a man who could fistfight his enemies into a pulp, seduce women and take them by force, a man who was frightened of nothing and took crazy risks at the drop of a hat….
But what kind of model of masculinity is that for today’s society?
We need a different kind of masculinity: something involving moral strength, a clear set of values, whether that be care for society, children, family, church, a belief in something greater than yourself, keeping your word, integrity, and being accountable for your actions and the consequences of your actions.
Those are the kind of values that today are essential for your masculinity, and they’re just as easy to express as the values of the swaggering macho man.
Having said that, boys need to learn how to express their male energy safely, by taking risks and testing their limits. They also need to know how to contain their male energy.
Fathers, and other men in society, should be teaching boys how to do that. Mothers can’t do it, or at least they can’t it is effectively, because they simply don’t know what it’s like to be a boy or a man.
So my question to you is, just how masculine you think you are?
A good way to test this is to see how you respond to female emotion. Does it suck you in? Do you feel that you have to take care of a woman, or please her? Do you put other people’s needs before your own, especially when it comes to a woman? If so, you’ve got some thinking to do.
The truth is this: in a relationship, a woman requires a man who can cope with her emotions, who can act as a firm point, a rock, against which the female waves of emotion can batter themselves until they die away.
And of course the point is that these emotions are entirely to do with the woman’s own “stuff”: they’re not to do with the man.
If you don’t understand that then you need a men’s group or a supportive circle of men to show you the differences between men and women.
The fact is, if you aren’t able to step outside the boundary of your partner’s emotions, and treat them as her property, not yours, then you’re in trouble in your relationship – and worse still, a woman won’t really respect you.
What this really means is that you’re not allowed to make emotionally-based decisions. If you start making emotionally-based decisions, the women you’re with will feel that they can’t make emotionally-based decisions. Two emotional people do not make a healthy relationship! To compensate, the women will begin to replace their feelings with logic, and will start to lead the relationship. Role reversal will occur: you will be forced into the female gender role, and she will be forced into the male gender role. Neither of you will be happy with the dynamic in the relationship, and you will blame each other for your unhappiness.
Take it from me, this is right, and if you don’t get it, then you definitely need to get some male guidance.
So at this stage it’s appropriate to go back to the idea of confidence.
Women like a man who is confident, regardless of how physically attractive he may be.
And the interesting thing is that men don’t have to be good-looking or rich to be confident. The truth is, confident men are attractive to women, period.
And if you’re not confident than you can learn to “fake it till you make it”, as the saying has it, by acting confident. And eventually, if you practice long enough, you will become a confident man.
The facts speak for themselves: men who believe they are confident are 75% more likely to be in a satisfying long-term relationship than men who do NOT believe they are confident.
The interesting thing about confidence is that it’s literally “all in the mind”.
It all depends on the beliefs you hold about yourself.
So when your beliefs about yourself are positive, when you feel good about yourself, you project an air of confidence in your posture, your facial expressions, the way you look at women, and the way you occupy your space in the world.
And you know that’s true, because when you’re feeling positive and confident you know how much better things go for you.
Everything that you show of yourself, everything you project into the world, can be learned, or programmed into yourself. Here’s an explanation of this: King Warrior Magician Lover.
If you hold beliefs about yourself that aren’t doing you any favours, then change them. Right now. Even if you’re telling yourself that you’ve got absolutely nothing a woman would want, you can dam’ well cancel that thought RIGHT NOW and think again…
The very fact that you’re reading this shows you have a desire for self improvement, and you’re eager to change the way you think feel and behave in the world. Do you see an asset in that?
Well, you should, because your desire for self improvement is something many women will find very attractive.
It’s not my job to take on the challenge of changing your beliefs about yourself, but I’d like you to see that tiny illustration as an example of what changing your self-beliefs can do for you on a much bigger scale….
And that is? Well, it can help you completely change your deeply held NEGATIVE beliefs about yourself (as in “No woman will ever want me” or “I just can’t get a decent woman”) into something POSITIVE and attractive to women.
That’s when you’ll suddenly find women are all over you. That’s because when you believe yourself to be much more attractive to women in real life, that’s what women see (and indeed, then you really are attractive to women).
If you can’t believe it’s as easy as that, think again: the latest psychological techniques, all tested and tried over the last 10 years, and all demonstrated to be highly effective in the field of personal change can make a difference. Using those techniques, you can come to live a healthier, more positive set of beliefs about yourself. We are, in essence, talking about shadow work here. This is the most up to date and powerful system of changing self -beliefs from outdated and archaic constructs into something much more realistic.
Truth is, what you have tried to do in the past to change things by willpower alone isn’t going to work.
How many times have you tried to change an annoying behavior pattern by simply making a decision that you’re going to do things differently in the future? Did that work?
The fact is you have to dig down into your subconscious and explore the programming that was set up years ago.
Only then can you change it. And you can’t do that without the help of techniques like shadow work.