Category Archives: great relationships

Strengthen or Save Your Relationship With Shadow Work

Here are some tips on how a couple who lack intimacy in their relationship can find more satisfaction in being together:

Talk to each other. Communication is key in any relationship, but it’s especially important when you’re trying to improve intimacy. Talk to your partner about what intimacy means to you, what you need and want from them, and what you’re willing to give. Be honest and open about your feelings, even if it’s difficult.

Make time for each other. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, but it’s important to make time for your partner.

Schedule regular date nights, even if it’s just staying in and watching a movie together. Do things that you both enjoy and that help you connect with each other.

Be affectionate. Physical touch is a powerful way to show your partner that you love and care about them. Make an effort to hug, kiss, and cuddle your partner regularly. Even small gestures like holding their hand or putting your arm around them can make a big difference.

Be supportive and encouraging. Be there for your partner when they need you and offer them your support and encouragement. Let them know that you believe in them and that you’re always in their corner.

Be vulnerable. Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy. Be willing to share your deepest thoughts and feelings with your partner. Let them see the real you, flaws and all.

Seek professional help if needed. If you’re struggling to improve intimacy in your relationship on your own, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. A therapist can help you identify the underlying issues that may be affecting your intimacy and develop strategies for addressing them.

Read a summary of these tips.

Here are some additional tips that may be helpful:

Show your appreciation. Let your partner know how much you appreciate them, both big and small. Say “thank you” for the things they do, and offer specific compliments.

Be present. When you’re spending time with your partner, really be present. Put away your phone and other distractions, and focus on them. Listen to what they have to say, and make eye contact.

Be playful. Don’t forget to have fun together! Laugh, play games, and do things that make you both happy.

Be open to trying new things. If you’re feeling stuck in a rut, try something new together. Go on a new adventure, take a class together, or simply try a new restaurant.

Be patient. It takes time to build intimacy in a relationship. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t see results immediately. Just keep working at it, and you’ll eventually reach your goals.

Improving intimacy in a relationship takes work, but it’s worth it. When you have a strong and intimate relationship with your partner, you’re more likely to be happy and fulfilled in life.

How Might Shadow Work Help Save A Failing Sexual Relationship?

Shadow work can be a powerful tool for individuals and couples looking to address and potentially save a failing sexual relationship. Shadow work is a therapeutic and self-exploratory process that involves delving into the hidden or suppressed aspects of one’s psyche and emotions. Here’s how shadow work can help:

Self-Awareness: Shadow work encourages individuals to explore their own unconscious beliefs, desires, fears, and insecurities related to sexuality. Understanding one’s own sexual desires, boundaries, and triggers is essential for building a healthier sexual connection with a partner.

Video – what is shadow work?

Uncover and Heal Trauma: Shadow work can help individuals identify and address past sexual traumas or negative experiences that may be affecting their current sexual relationship. Healing these wounds is crucial for emotional and sexual well-being.

Communication: Shadow work can improve communication skills, enabling partners to express their desires, boundaries, and concerns more openly and honestly. This can lead to better understanding and empathy between partners.

Acceptance and Non-Judgment: Shadow work promotes self-acceptance and self-compassion. When individuals acknowledge and accept their own “shadows” or hidden aspects without judgment, they are more likely to extend the same acceptance to their partners, creating a safer and more understanding environment.

Exploration of Fantasies and Desires: Shadow work can help individuals and couples explore their sexual fantasies and desires in a non-judgmental and consensual way. This can lead to increased sexual satisfaction and fulfillment.

Personal Growth: Engaging in shadow work can lead to personal growth and development. As individuals work on their own issues and insecurities, they become better partners and can contribute positively to the relationship.

Conflict Resolution: Shadow work can provide tools and techniques for resolving conflicts in a healthier way. Couples can learn to address disagreements and challenges in a more constructive and empathetic manner.

Empathy and Understanding: Through shadow work, individuals may gain a deeper understanding of their partner’s hidden fears, insecurities, and past experiences that may be affecting the sexual relationship. This understanding can foster greater empathy.

Reconnecting: Shadow work can help couples reconnect on a deeper level. By addressing and healing their own wounds, they can create a stronger and more intimate bond.

It’s important to note that shadow work can be emotionally challenging, and it’s often beneficial to seek guidance from a trained therapist or counselor who specializes in this approach. Additionally, both partners should be willing to engage in their own individual shadow work and support each other in the process.

While shadow work can be a valuable tool, it may not be a sole solution for every failing sexual relationship. Complex relationship issues may require a combination of approaches, including couples therapy, communication skills training, and addressing practical relationship concerns. However, when done effectively, shadow work can contribute to a more profound and lasting transformation in both individuals and the relationship as a whole.

How To Meet the Right Woman (and Have a Great Relationship!)

What makes a woman attracted to a man?

There is no single factor that can determine what makes a woman attracted to a man, as everyone has their own unique preferences and tastes. However, some common factors that may contribute to a woman’s attraction to a man include:

  • Physical appearance: This can include factors such as facial features, body type, and overall grooming.
  • Confidence: A man who is confident and self-assured can be very attractive to a woman, as this trait often conveys strength and competence.
  • Sense of humor: A good sense of humor can be a powerful tool for attracting a woman, as it can create positive feelings and make her feel at ease.
  • Intelligence: A man who is intelligent and knowledgeable can be very appealing to a woman, as this trait can suggest that he is a good communicator and problem-solver.
  • Kindness and empathy: Women may also be attracted to men who are kind, caring, and empathetic, as these qualities can signal that the man is emotionally mature and capable of forming meaningful relationships.

Of course, it’s important to remember that attraction is subjective and complex, and what attracts one woman may not necessarily attract another. Additionally, other factors such as shared interests, values, and life goals can also play a significant role in determining whether or not a woman is attracted to a man.

Video – what attracts a woman in a man?

What can a man do to make himself more attractive to a woman?

There are several things a man can do to make himself more attractive to a woman. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Take care of his appearance: A man should take care of his hygiene, dress well, and groom himself regularly. This can include keeping his hair neat and trimmed, maintaining facial hair, and keeping his skin clean and healthy.
  • Build confidence: A man can work on building his confidence by setting achievable goals, practicing good posture, and speaking clearly and confidently. Confidence can be very attractive to women.
  • Develop a sense of humor: Having a good sense of humor can make a man more attractive to a woman, as it can make her feel more comfortable and relaxed around him. A man can work on developing his sense of humor by practicing telling jokes or funny stories.
  • Be respectful and kind: A man should always treat women with respect and kindness, as this can make him more attractive and desirable. He should listen to her and show genuine interest in what she has to say.
  • Pursue his passions and interests: A man who is passionate about his hobbies and interests can be very attractive to a woman, as it shows that he is well-rounded and has a life outside of dating.

Ultimately, what makes a man attractive to a woman is subjective and can vary from person to person. However, by taking care of his appearance, building confidence, developing a sense of humor, being respectful and kind, and pursuing his passions and interests, a man can increase his chances of being seen as attractive and desirable by women.

Is psychotherapy helpful in helping a man to form a meaningful relationship with a woman?

Psychotherapy can be helpful for men who are struggling to form meaningful relationships with women. Through therapy, a man can gain insight into his thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and learn new strategies for developing healthy relationships.

In therapy, a man can explore any past traumas or negative experiences that may be impacting his ability to form relationships. He can also learn new communication skills and techniques for managing conflict, which can be essential in building and maintaining healthy relationships.

Furthermore, therapy can help a man improve his self-esteem and develop a more positive self-image, which can make him more confident and attractive to potential partners. By addressing any underlying psychological issues, a man can become more emotionally available and better able to connect with others on a deeper level.

It’s important to note that the success of psychotherapy in helping a man form a meaningful relationship with a woman can depend on many factors, including the individual’s willingness to engage in the therapeutic process and the therapist’s training and approach. However, many men have found therapy to be a valuable tool for improving their relationships and overall quality of life.

Is shadow work useful in forming a relationship with a woman?

If so, why would that be the case?

Shadow work can be helpful for men who want to form meaningful relationships with women. Shadow work is a form of psychotherapy that involves exploring and integrating the parts of oneself that have been repressed or denied, such as unconscious desires, fears, and emotions.

By engaging in shadow work, a man can gain insight into any unconscious patterns or behaviors that may be interfering with his ability to form healthy relationships. For example, a man may discover that he has a pattern of “not allowing love in” or that he struggles with intimacy due to past traumas or attachment issues.

By seeing a shadow work coach, a man can learn to accept and integrate these aspects of himself, which can lead to greater self-awareness and emotional healing. This, in turn, can make him more emotionally available and better able to form deeper connections with others, including women.

In addition to helping men develop greater emotional intelligence and self-awareness, shadow work can also lead to improved communication skills, greater empathy, and a stronger sense of self-esteem and self-worth. All of these qualities can be attractive to women and can help a man form more fulfilling and meaningful relationships.  Shadow work can also help a man and woman already in a relationship to have a better one. 

However, it’s important to note that shadow work can be a challenging and sometimes uncomfortable process, as it involves facing and working through difficult emotions and experiences. 

How can I decide if a woman I am dating is similar enough to me in basic motivations and desires to be sure of a successful relationship?

When dating someone new, it can be helpful to take the time to get to know them on a deeper level and assess whether you share similar basic motivations and desires. Here are some tips to help you make this determination:

  • Engage in meaningful conversations: When you’re getting to know someone new, try to have conversations that go beyond surface-level topics. Ask about their goals, values, and passions. Discuss your shared interests and what you both want out of life.
  • Pay attention to nonverbal cues: In addition to what someone says, pay attention to how they say it. Notice their body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. This can give you valuable insight into their personality and motivations.
  • Observe their actions: Pay attention to how they behave in different situations. Do they prioritize the same things you do? Do they have a similar work-life balance? Are they able to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts in a healthy way?
  • Reflect on past relationships: Consider what has worked and what hasn’t worked in past relationships. Reflect on what you need in a partner to feel fulfilled and happy.
  • Take your time: Don’t rush into a relationship too quickly. Take the time to get to know someone and assess whether you’re truly compatible before committing to a long-term relationship.

Ultimately, no relationship is guaranteed to be successful, but by taking the time to get to know someone on a deeper level and assess whether you share similar basic motivations and desires, you can increase your chances of forming a fulfilling and meaningful connection.


Pleasures Of Loving



Feminism is a difficult area of human politics and social culture to explore because it raises high emotions in everybody — whether they know what they’re talking about or not.

And yet we probably don’t even know what a modern definition of feminism actually is, and yet we get all upset about it: we judge feminism, as men, on the basis of our preconceptions and misunderstandings. I think the reason for this is that we see it as a challenge to male authority, and this in itself is very sad, because it implies that men are very insecure in their own power. The problem here, I think is down to many things but especially a lack of embodiment of the male archetypes. So we lack warrior energy, the clean masculine energy that allows us to get things done in the world. We lack a full embodiment of the lover, which would allow us to be confident in our sexuality. We are often overburdened with magician energy that keeps us trapped in anxiety and over-thinking. Above all, we lack King energy which woudl make us all exemplary leaders in our own lives. (You can read about these archetypes in this book.)

However there are questions here that need to be examined more carefully. So looking back at the 1970s, it was possible to see that feminism began to challenge the idea that was so widespread in our culture: the notion that just by virtue of being men, one gender was somehow superior in both cultural terms and sexual terms.

I mean, it’s obvious that men are not superior to women. There woudl be hardly as much destruction in the world if women were more able to determines the future. So why then is that assumption so widespread? And the answer of course lies in the nature of the patriarchal society that we grow up in, where women are encouraged to believe that there is an inferior type of human beings, and they mostly happen to have breasts and a vagina.

So obviously the feminist challenge to male authority — or least the male interpretation of feminism as a challenge to male authority — certainly revealed disagreements within the feminist community, particularly around discussions of sexuality.

Some women believed that women could claim sexual pleasure within a patriarchal society, while other women believed that embracing radical sexuality constituted some kind of violence against women and it was in itself a submission to patriarchal ideology.

It’s not surprising this conflict emerged when you think about it. Inevitably it came to a head, as it did in 1982.

A clash emerged in a conference held at Barnard College, between women who embraced the pleasure of sex, and women who wanted to focus instead on the dangers that they saw as inherent in sexual exploration within a patriarchal society.

I wouldn’t have thought that these two things were mutually exclusive. But one feminist movement seemed to believe that the inherent dangers of rape, domestic violence, and sexual assault certainly outweighed any pleasure that could possibly be obtained from sexual activity with a man.

Other women embraced pleasures and acknowledge the dangers, but were actually focusing on the positive aspects of sexual interaction with men.

I suspect a great deal of this distinction emerges from the concept of shadow. Some women, whose experience led them to incorporate negative beliefs about men and sexuality into their unconscious, would probably take the view that any kind of sex within a patriarchal society was unacceptable or too dangerous.

Oddly enough although this debate may seem sterile almost 35 years on, it was certainly useful at the time. It enhanced understanding of the ways in which feminist discussions of sexuality related to both personal and political issues in society at large. Both personal and political issues in the mutually reinforcing of course, which is inevitable — although it doesn’t simplify the presentation of the issues to a wider public.

  • These heated debates about the role of sexuality within feminism are fundamental to the orientation of the female psyche within a patriarchal society, and fundamentally centre on a number of questions:

  • How can women express and obtain sexual pleasure within a patriarchy?

  • And how do different women, particularly with regard to class and social status and ethnic origin, relate to pleasure?

  • So how do feminist speakers and writers analyse pornography, the male and female sexual tendencies?

  • Can traditional sexuality be questioned?

And so on….

It’s possible to get swallowed up in an adversarial dialogue in conversation about feminism from different points of view while avoiding the fundamental issue – the proposal that patriarchal society inevitably denigrates women and diminishes their power.

So divide within the feminist community looks like a case of fiddling while Rome burns. That’s because it avoids the issue of feminism in the wider society while focusing on the understanding of patriarchal control. (As expressed through sexual domination, or merely domination in the cultural discourse.)

That in itself could of course be a simple reflection of the deeper issue. So how then is consciousness to be raised in an environment where feminism seems to be on the back foot from the get-go?

Groups which stood out in the 80s such as Women Against Pornography and another group called Women Against Violence Against Women were active in picketing conferences and framing a radical perspective on human sexuality which essentially amounted to confronting the story that society practiced patriarchal control of women’s bodies.

There was another feminist version of feminine sexuality in which the portrayal of feminine sexuality in practices such as S and M and Porn could be quite acceptable and even a reclamation of feminine power.

It’s interesting also how in this period feminism was finding its feet, and evolving towards a form which would be suitable for the 80s:  a radical and transitional period in all human societies in the Western world.

Unfortunately, feminism was bogged down in further debates and split by discussions of sexuality, which seemed to represent the difference between lesbian and heterosexual viewpoints. But the truth of the matter is, of course, that to make progress towards changes in any useful wider sense in society, any feminist movement must take advantage of all the experiences of all women, no matter how difficult it is to reconcile different viewpoints.